Ranting and Raving!

Its just been a day for me to have a pity party. I look around at people and see what they have and just want it so much. I see couples holding hands and looking so in love, I see people with little children and I want both of those things. I see people who are not good people and do not care for their kids and I wonder why they have them and I do not. I see people who make bad choices and mess up their lives yet they are still married!. All I want or have ever wanted is to be married, be a wife and mother. I know I am not perfect and maybe I should be doing something different in my life but why is it that others get this and I can not have it. I know I am not the only one who feels that way and yeah I am only 25 but that's not my point today. I just want this one thing, I do not need to be rich or have every little thing anyone could ever ask for all I want is a family of my own.

You know I think that and then I can not help but think of what I do have and what others are going through that I am blessed that I do not have to go through. I have a great job, a wonderful family and super friends.

I have a friend who did get married had a set of twins one of which spent a lot of time in the hospital and then her husband left her to raise them on her own. I am blessed that I do not have that to deal with.
I have two cousins who had babies and lost them. They are good people and it has been a hard thing. I am blessed that I do not have that to deal with. (my heart goes out to them)
I have a friend who got married and shortly there after found out she had cancer. She is a good person and for now the cancer is in remission and she is expecting her first baby. But still I am blessed not to have that (cancer) to deal with.
I have a neighbor who got married had two kids and when she was expecting her third they found out her oldest was autistic. Her husband left her, he couldn't handle it. She is not remarried to a wonderful man who had two kids and they now have one together (that makes 6) But I am blessed that I have not had that to deal with.
I have other friends that have had trials that I feel blessed that I did not have those to deal with.

I am not saying I have not had trials or that my feelings are not important because I have had trials and I will continue to long to be and wife and mother.

I guess we all have days when we feel like we just want to crawl in a hole somewhere until things go the way we want but I guess I just need to tell myself to look around and see what I do have and what I am blessed that I do not have to deal with.

Anyway that's the end of my ranting and raving!